It’s that time again when every man from all around the world are frightened for their bachelorhood. Ok I lie not all men, only those who are single trying to live the dream and then there are married men, you guys don’t count, you have already buckled. Everyone to his own I say and I’m happy for you.

The trap

But tomorrow is the 29th of February and this only happens every 4 years where for some stupid reason the all almighty has given the chance for our female counter parts to fight back and try claim what they think is rightfully theirs – YOU..

Yes guys be afraid be very afraid especially those guys who have been holding out for so long you know who you are, you guys need to be worried the most. Because your dream lifestyle could soon all come to an end, FOR EVER. I know a few lads like that and even one who has been so good at it, that he has managed to hold out for 9 years whilst sidestepping/tiptoeing past 2 chances of opposing proposals.

Luckily for you, he told me his little secret and he tells me there are plenty of creative methods to “sidestep” the inevitable. Now the art for doing such is pure subtleness, less is more he says. You don’t want to go to the extreme on this touchy matter in order to warrant that you don’t lose your beloved one altogether. After all you don’t want to bite the hand that feeds you or cleans up after you or takes care of you when you’re busy dying from the killer man flu.

The trick to this is being subtle but don’t do anything out of unordinary, yes you can be a monster for a week or two leading up to the 29th trying to turn her off being the big idea. Like farting at the dinner table, leaving the toilet seat up or even leaving a present for her in the toilet, stealing the blanket at night or falling asleep only seconds after a quick “smash and grab” ensuring that only you were pleased. But men we are men and we cannot lower our standards for even such a big even as this. We need to hold our heads up high and approach such days with honour. Therefore the only true solution is to run and hide.

Planning will be needed before and then on the day wake up really early for “work”, fake an international business meeting if you have to you are the boss of your fate you decide. Once you have finished with your 2/3 hour gym session continue your day as per normal.

Now the tricky part is to avoid being snuck up on at work this is where you will need to use your initiative sorry but I can’t watch all your backs at the same time I’m good but I’m not that good, maybe get another work mate in the same situation to sit back to back.

Then at Lunch do something out of the ordinary and at a later time than usual you might need the stomach lining for the after work drinks with all your single mates. When you’re at the pub/bar/club/ strip club be sure to drink yourself into oblivion whilst enjoying the freedom with your buddies. Please note this is the only time you will ever be allowed to spill a little bit of that shot on yourself, just to ensure that she can smell the alcohol on you. Now if she finds you while you are out and ropes you in and drops down to only one knee then you can always use the booze as an excuse and say that you don’t remember a thing from last night. However if you miss time it and do get home before midnight then firstly you’re soft and deserved to get served and for those who did hold out to after 12. Then my friend you are a for away, carry on living the dream my brothers.

For another 4 years at least.

Just another reason to get down to the pub? You decide.